I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
