I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
