I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
