I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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