dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
