why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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