i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
His nipple licking is glorious
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