The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
