so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
