my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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