she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
