I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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