Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
