i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
