so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
