That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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