he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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