I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
