I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
