I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
