They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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