the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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