did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
