dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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