Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
