We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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