When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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