Someone shit on the floor
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
