I think I won the penis lottery.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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