Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
