i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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