I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
