That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
