I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
