Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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