the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
