You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
