We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
