we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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