Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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