My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
