whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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