Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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