My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
