pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
