I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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