sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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