i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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