Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
