Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
